Today I have had very mixed emotions. Today is the day that four years ago we laid my sweet mother down to rest with out Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Today always brings very emotional feelings into my heart. It always brings back where I was when I got the call that she had passed. It's so funny though because yesterday morning as I was driving to work 'the song' played. It was as if she was reminding me of something. I think of her daily, sometimes more that once daily. I think of how things would have been if I could have only spent more time with her, I think of how things could have been different if I only would have spoken the right words. And then The song played, reminding me. It always reminds me and brings this strange feeling of calming over me. It was played at her funeral and she picked it out before she got so sick. But, it always brings that calming feeling over me. Even though I let a few tears stream down my face, I wasn't sad, I was content knowing that she is watching over me everyday. That was yesterday. Today, I was sad. Today I missed her. Today, I only wanted to be able to talk to her one last time and change the words that I said to her in that hospital when I was so mean to her. I am so sorry mom. I didn't know. Today I wanted to be able to eat lunch with her and her not be so yellow and sick. That was today. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, or the next day, or next year for that matter. I know what my heart feels like today. It aches. I can smile knowing that she is with Jesus walking the streets of gold and that makes my heart feel happy.
Peace begins with a smile
-Mother Teresa
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